All Change!

So I last wrote over 6 months ago about how I was struggling with basically everything in life!

So much has happened in that time I don't know where to begin!

Hubby - was away basically from a Monday morning until Friday evening every week - a colleague resigned at Christmas and they did not replace him. He was also starting to work Saturdays. He hated his job. He got a new job in the middle of March and he is now a very happy bunny! Based in our home town but he has been working in London for about 4 weeks now with Saturdays as well but, he is being paid overtime for this and that makes him happy. Drinking continues :(

Weight - a good friend offered to come with me back to face to face classes as she had about a stone to loose which had been creeping up on her over the past 12 months. I am now 24.5lbs lighter and hoping to get to my 2 stone loss in a couple of weeks. The only problem is I can't get any new clothes because of COVID-19 and my jeans are starting to fall down!

Work - I saw a higher banded job advertised at Christmas, had a blazing row with hubby over it as it was in a Trust 80 miles away and didn't apply. It was re-advertised after Christmas as nobody applied and after a sensible discussion with hubby I applied and was successful. I started this at the beginning of April just as COVID-19 hit full force. The service I was joining was shelved and I have been based at a different site for the first 8 weeks doing a bit of the job I was employed to do. However, the matron seems very supportive, we are about to redesign the service I was employed to be a part of as we are taking the opportunity of reviewing it and we are changing it in great detail! I have the responsibility of developing the e-learning and Trust wide education for VTE prevention and we are a very large Trust - 17,5000 employees compared to just 3,500 at the last Trust!. The team are great and I am managing to work my hours over 4 longer days and stay 2 nights a week up there.

My friend - well she is still missing in action. We briefly exchanged messages when I had a panic about an instagram account that had been set up with a number that had sent me abusive messages in the past but when I asked her about why she had stopped speaking to me back in September, nothing but silence. I remain devastated - I shouldn't be but I am.

So onwards and upwards with the job and home life, onwards and downwards with the weight. Friend - I can only hope!

Struggling

Life is difficult for me at the moment - in the grand scheme of things when I look at what others are dealing with then this really shouldn't be an issue but I've been feeling low for some time now and everything together is tipping me over the edge.

My knee injury is now 1 year ago but I still have problems with pain and stiffness first thing in the mornings - I am still taking painkillers and I really want to stop them - nothing addictive, just NSAIDs but I really don't want to be taking them every day - I have an unspecified bleeding disorder and this adds to my bruising and spontaneous bleeding.

I am tired - this is nothing new, but I am managing some nights to get between 7 and 8 hours sleep and by lunchtime I am ready for bed again!

Hubby has a new job - he is so pleased to be out of his previous job after 10 years. By the time he left he was really hating it and the people that he worked with and the secret and excessive drinking had started again  - this really worried me but if I tried to discuss it, I had my head bitten off. He is still in the training period but was told that he would need to be away from home no more than 1 night per month. So far he has been in the job 12 working days and has been away for 5 nights with a further 3 planned for next week. It was meant to be 4 but when I said I was struggling with him being away so much, he told work he would drive home from Poole on Monday and then leave again early on Tuesday morning to get to the other side of London for his 8 am appointment. While I appreciate this, it means he will be more tired when driving and then I start to worry about that as well. I am hoping that once his training has completed, he will not be having to drive between Cornwall and Scotland all the time!

Work is hell - I am not working on a Saturday now, as Hubby is home every weekend. This in turn has increased my workload in the week and I am struggling with everything that is needed to be done. I was checking emails from September last night before I left that the Boss had sent to me and I have missed an important one that should have been sorted 5 weeks ago. And now I can't contact the person to arrange blood tests. The Trust is about to go digital and we will be using 4 different systems to cover all the areas, however, nobody seems to be thinking about VTE which needs to be used by all 4 systems and they are now realising that something needs to be done and they are close to being launched. Then trying to speak to the correct people about it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack - none of them have contact extensions, they can only be contacted via email and then take forever to reply, by which time the launch date is nearer and they are saying, oh it's too late to add this now - so my answer back is what are you going to do about it? This is essential to the running of the Trust and patient safety.This is actually making feel extremely stressed and I am at the point where I could just walk!

My weight - I cannot loose any. I have been following WW for many years and while it keeps me at the weight I am, I need to loose weight. The first two weeks of Hubby's new job, I came home and cooked good nutritious meals the nights he was away. This week I basically hit the junk food and have eaten absolute rubbish. I was at the end of September the lightest I had been for over 18 months, but that weight has started to creep back on again and that makes me unhappy.

The one thing that has really upset me and I think has pushed me to this tipping point is a close friend has stopped talking to me. A group of us went out a couple of weeks ago and this friend was at the same event. We all spent the evening talking and generally having a great time. When I left, she said that we would meet up the following week. Since then this friend has not answered any messages or texts and I actually feel abandoned. My best friend has tried to mediate and find out what is actually wrong and she won't talk to her either. What we both cannot understand is how everything was ok on the Friday and by the Saturday I was frozen out. We had a very close friendship and to be honest, this friend was the person I probably spoke to almost every day even if was just to say hello and to check that they were ok. They have been struggling themselves recently and having lost one of their close friends to suicide I had been supporting them even more. It actually feels like she has died - a bit extreme I know but maybe with everything else going on it is hitting harder than usual. It's silly as well as I can go weeks without talking to my best friend and I don't feel like this at all.

I am feeling sick when I wake in the mornings, I am fairly short-tempered at work although I am trying my best not to be  - my office colleagues are both lovely and pleasant to be with, but some days all I want is quiet around me. Ive taken to telling them I have a lot to do and not to be offended but I am going to put my earphones in and work without a distraction!

I don't know what else I can do. Maybe with Hubby away next week, I can try and only work until 6pm and then come home and try and be in bed by 10pm. Look to cook healthy meals again - cooking for one is not fun, I take my hat off to those who are always cooking for one. Maybe look to start the Happy Mile walking again in an attempt to at least give me some exercise each day. Keep my fingers crossed that Hubby's training finishes soon and he isn't away from home as much. My friend? I can only hope that she starts to talk to me again.

A dream job!

So, it's been a while my friends and lots has changed in my life - but that's for another day!

I have often said that Guiding is an amazing organisation for meeting people who you would never connect with in your normal life!

This is so true for me.

In 2010 I was fortunate to attend the Guiding Centenary Camp at Harewood House in Yorkshire. I had signed up as a general dogsbody and had no idea what I had let myself in for!

I ended up on my second day helping to put up a couple of large tents for a Guiding version of Ready Steady Cook! The person who would be leading this had yet to arrive, so a group of minions were left to do the hard work.

Just as we were putting the final tent pegs this leader arrived - she had a good enough excuse for not being there, she had flown back in from Afghanistan after ending her tour. She wasn't formally in the forces but had spent a period of time out there supporting them by working extremely hard in the background - living conditions weren't great but she managed it!

As I hadn't been assigned to anything in particular at that point, I asked if I could stay and help run the activity with her for the rest of the camp - she agreed and a friendship began.

We are similar in age and have the same sense of humour and you know when you meet some people that this friendship would continue even after the camp had finished. There were a group of 7 of us in total who helped to run this activity and apart from 1, we still try and meet up at least once a year. I am fortunate that I am in the middle of everyone and I do get to see some of them at least twice a year depending where I get to go with work.

This friend was then posted to a British Embassy for 3 years and I was fortunate enough to go out one year for the Queen's Birthday Party as her guest - another experience I would never had got if it wasn't for Guiding!

That posting finished almost 2 years ago now and she has been based back in London since then. She has floated between jobs as her next posting abroad was cancelled and to be honest she hasn't really settled into anything with the gusto she usually does.

20 years ago, she went out to work at Sangam for a year and she has always yearned to return to work there. Just before Christmas, she messaged me to say that the Centre Manager at Sangam job was being advertised and didn't know whether to apply or not - I told her she would be stupid if she didn't!

She applied and obviously got short-listed! Her skills from working for the Government make her perfect for the job. She then had a Skype interview and was given 24 hours to answer 3 questions in 1000 words. She submitted that and was then shortlisted to the final 3. She was then flown out to Sangam with less than a week's notice for her final interview. She loved being back out there and completed the interview and then flew back home on the Sunday and then the wait began!

She waited and waited and waited a bit more - then she messaged me to say that she had been asked to go into WAGGGS on the Thursday. She thought that they would let her know to her face that she hadn't got the job. She was so wrong - they offered her the job and she starts in June.

To her this is her dream job - she has so much to do out there though. The occupancy rate is below 36% and one of her first challenges is to get this increased but knowing her, she will do this.

I am so pleased for her as I know that she is perfect for this - she has so much experience at being the perfect host and getting people to work well together that I know Sangam has an absolute diamond coming to live there.

On the downside, her Rangers and Guides will loose out on a fantastic leader, I won't be able to hop on a train at 3pm and spend an evening in London with her just because we both need to have a rant about anything and everything and set the world to rights!

However, there is What's App and Messenger as well as FaceTime so we will be able to keep in touch, but I will really miss seeing her but hopefully I will be able to visit her at some point!

An Adult in the Army!

So, 6 months ago, we dropped our son at AFC Harrogate to start his Phase 1 training with the British Army - it was the day of his 17th birthday

This was him 6 weeks later

And this was him today

I think my smile says it all!

Barcelona

Wow! what  place to visit.

Hubby and I have taken advantage of the fact that we are now child free and can go away whenever we want to and thought that our 18th wedding anniversary would be a good time to start!

We looked to go to Dublin at first but then we saw that Barcelona was cheaper to go to and thought what the hell, let's do it!

I hate flying but at least this time I wasn't on my own!

Early start on the Wednesday morning saw us landing to sunny blue skies in Barcelona at lunch time and we managed to get to our hotel by about 2:30pm - we took the aerobus to Playa de Catalunya which was a 10 minute stroll to our hotel. Hotel was meant to be a 4 star one but I think you can say that it was well loved and needed a bit of TLC. However, we had a lovely spacious room on the 8th floor with a large balcony. View was of the backs of buildings but we had the La Sagrada Família as a view from the balcony and that was our first destination.

We set off to walk there - didn't look too far.

We followed one of the tourist maps and walked passed the Arc de Triomf to begin with.

We then started to try and find our way to the church! Many steps later we finally got there!

It was an amazing place to visit and I would thoroughly recommend it. It just seems to be a never ending building site though!

We strolled back through the streets and managed to find our way back to our hotel - it was the middle of November and we were in short sleeved t-shirts at 8pm- although the locals thought we were mad as they all seemed to be wrapped up!

The next day, we purchased a T10 pass - 10 journeys on bus, train or tram which can be used by multiple people and the bonus is that if you continue with your journey within 75 minutes of getting off of the transport, it still counts as one journey!

We took a bus all they way out of Barcelona to the CosmoCaixa (science museum) which was sited almost on the top of the hills you can see from the harbour. To be honest it wasn't my first choice of places to visit but hubby's boss had said it was great - no it wasn't! The best bit was the amazon rain forest bit

Then we hopped back on the bus and stopped off here

And then hopped back on again down to the harbour. There were some amazing boats down there - hubby googled them when we returned to the UK and one of them was £160 million!

There's a cable car that goes from the harbour up to a mountain where you can spend the day but with my fear of heights I really don't think I will ever make it!

After a wonder around the harbour we made our way back towards the hotel. We stopped off at Barcelona Cathedral which was just around the corner from the hotel. We had to queue to get in as we were going for the free entry time

As you can there was a few of us who had the same idea! It was almost dark by the time we finally got into the cathedral but it was amazing. My camera is pretty naff so I didn't get any usable photos inside apart from this one:

The baptism font - big enough to be used as a bath! It's all locked away behind gates and is very very old indeed!

The food was great in the restaurants around where the hotel was and all in all we spent less than £400 for the 2 of us to stay for 2 nights. This was flights and hotel as well as parking and insurance.
Hubby is one never to return to places but he is keen to return and stay for longer the next time as we definitely didn't get to see everything we wanted to.

Barcelona is a beautiful city and I would recommend it to any of you to go and explore!

The Power of Social Media

So, Monkey has left home and joined the Army! His 17th birthday was the day we dropped him off to the Junior Soldier College in Harrogate to start his new life.
We are now 5 and a bit weeks in and get to see him at his Passing in Parade (PIP) this Friday - no I have not been counting the days!!!!!
Just before he left home, I found a parents support group on Facebook which was a closed group run by a group of ladies who have been through the rollercoaster of having their child(ren) go to the College as well. These ladies have created intake groups for several years and do all of this as volunteers - being an ex-brownie leader I know how much time this takes!
They have been amazing on what to take in addition to the kit list that the Army sends you and generally great advice all around.
They are very clear that they are not affiliated with AFC and that everything discussed on that page stays on that page - no exceptions.
This intake is their biggest support group to date - over 400 members and a further 100+ waiting for approval - and this is where the problems have begun.
People have joined the official Army Company pages and then have got confused as to which page they are on, then commented on the wrong page with information that should only be on the parent page. This has upset parents and obviously the admin - apparently if the Company admins identify who the "rebel" parents are, they then take it out on their children!
Drama galore - it has been horrible watching everyone backstabbing each other and blaming each other for what is possibly a mistake. I have to admit, that I have had to think twice a few times about which page I am on and what I should and shouldn't be posting on it, it can get very confusing.
With this many people on the closed page, it is bound to get messy, but people really don't seem to understand that the parent page is the page to air our concerns and to offer support to each other, not just complain about this, that and the other.
At the end of the day, we are all adults and we should know how to behave - some parents seem to make a drama out everything and if they don't get the support they were expecting, then flounce off saying "I'm leaving, no one understands me!" and then have lots of messages, along the lines of "oh don't leave, I'm sure it wasn't meant to be interpreted that way!"
And that is my point - we can write many a thing in our own quirky way - we may even smile as we type it, but when it is read in the cold light of social media, it often takes on a different context and then upsets the next person and the next and the next and then that snowball has suddenly multiplied a thousand times and is a massive avalanche before you know it!
Social media is very powerful - just make sure that you are qualified to use it or be prepared to deal with the fallout!

A quandary

So, things have finally come to a head at work.

My boss has been struggling since she returned in February last year from a year off work due to breast cancer. Her consultant colleagues do not seem to have a drop of compassion in their bones - funny really when you look at the speciality they work in and the types of patients they have to deal with every day.

We have employed two new consultants - one to replace someone who has just retired and another due to the increasing workload - this takes our consultant number to 5. The agreement for the 5th consultant was that they would be part H&T - our speciality.

In reality this is not going to happen. The other 4 have had a pre-meeting prior to the official meeting yesterday and they have basically ganged up on my boss and told her that she needs to just carry on with her work. The workload is unmanageable and to top it all, we have recently lost our secretary due to the other secretaries ganging up on her because she worked for our boss who "wasn't really a haematology consultant as she doesn't do malignancy!" So, between the two of us we have also taken on secretarial work which has me working most days 12 hour shifts and at least 6 on a  Saturday - I am like a walking zombie this evening!

After yesterday's meeting, my boss just text me and said that she would be looking for a new job and was at that point looking at the commute to one of the larger hospitals not far from us.

I knew from that short text, how that meeting had gone - badly.

My boss has said that when she leaves, wherever she ends up, she will make me a part of her package - she does not want to leave me behind. That makes me feel wanted as I can see the nightmare that will await me if it is just me as the other consultants really have no idea at all about H&T and we run even more specialised clinics with pregnant women in too - I dread to think what will happen there!

However, the problem I see at both of the bigger Trusts near us, is that the already have specialist nurses who do my job - because we are a small district general, I am doing 3 roles in one - the other Trusts have a nurse (even a team of nurses) for each of my roles and I am not sure how I would fit in.

The smaller of the two Trusts is the longest commute - do I really want to either drive an 80 mile round trip 5 days per week or travel on the train for 2 hours each day? The larger of the two Trusts is where I trained and then worked for a further 13 years prior to moving to the Trust where I am now. I'm not sure I really want to go back there.

That puts me in a quandary - do I stay where I know it will be unbearable - or do I go with the boss to a new world?

Watch this space - I think it may cause some fraught discussions at home as well!!

The theatre!

My boss is very much a theatre goer - she regularly goes and she enjoys it!

Apart from the obligatory pantomimes as a child I have never really been.

She has been through a lot in the past 2 years and in November 2014 she completed her radiotherapy just as we were due to go to London for a meeting at Parliament.

When I mentioned that I had never been before, she said " let's go and watch Les Mis" it's a great one to start with.

So £135 lighter in the pocket (and that was a cheap seat) and off we went!

To say that it blew me away was an understatement - I have never seen the films, or even listened to the soundtracks before, but this was amazing. It was at the London Queen's Theatre, minimal scenery and props, and a revolving stage. I came home that night tired but blown away.

Then for Christmas that year she gave me a ticket to see Legally Blonde - the musical at our local open air theatre. It is one of the top ones in the country and seats about 550 people under very large canopies.

Again, never seen the film and had no idea about the story but that was great too.

Christmas present last year - West Side Story at the open air theatre this week and that was amazing too.

I have two more evenings booked for this year as well - beyond the barricades (have no idea) and Thoroughly Modern Milly (again no idea).

While I do enjoy theses nights out - I am starting to believe that I am nowhere near the sophisticated socialite that my boss is and really do not appreciate the theatre as much as she does - last week she went to our local large indoor theatre and watched Jane Eyre as a ballet - that is something I could never do!

As a girls night out, I would thoroughly recommend it - if you have a partner who would put up with the show, then our local outdoor theatre is situated in the grounds of a very swanky hotel and they do dinner, show and stay over packages which would make a lovely anniversary treat or just a "get away from it all" treat.

What to do with all of that spare time I now have!!

So, I now have an extra 90 minutes a week - or so the official Girlguiding UK publicity blurb would have you believe that is all is needed to run a unit each week!!

I have been busy since I stepped down as Brown Owl - I was training at the time for the half Moonwalk. I do not do exercise and I do not walk long distances! This was a challenge - especially as they had moved the starting point this year so the distance was actually 15.1 miles - not the 13.1miles that a half marathon should be.

If you have never heard of the Moonwalk this should let you know a bit more! It is a charity that has become very close to my heart over the past couple of years, following on from my boss being diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago. She has fought every step of the way and has been given the 18 month all-clear today, so things are looking up!

You are sent a wonderbra and you have to decorate it according to a theme - this year's was carnival. Now I am no craft person and so managed to pull together this:

A Sharpie pen around the wire, some buttons glue-gunned on and a pink feather bower glued on as well!

You are then asked to walk your distance in your bra and a pair of black leggings - that is all!!

The route left Clapham Common, went through Battersea Park, past Vauxhall, along the Thames, past Parliament and then over the river and then back along the Mall, and back along to  Clapham Common - there were many more places but that was the general route.

I probably did not train as much as I should have - but have managed to discover several reservoirs around the two counties that surround our house.

On the night, I really did not think I would make it, but with the support of the friends who agreed to walk the route with me, we made it. It took us around 6 and a half hours to walk it in total and felt like zombies at the end of it. I honestly thought I would  never be able to move again!

At the end of the walk we were presented with this:

It was worth it and I would recommend it to anyone to do as a once in a lifetime challenge - I can now say I have completed a half marathon! I will however, never be doing it again.

Give it a go, if not a half marathon, how about one of the 5K or 10K walk/runs events that Race for Life promote each year? They are just a walk in the park - simples!

And so I am no longer an old wise bird

So, the term has passed very quickly and I find myself no longer Brown Owl!

Is it wrong that I spent the term counting how many meetings were left and how happy that made me feel?

My final night was our usual end of term awards night - we play games, sing songs, give out badges that they had worked towards, as well as award best brownie and best six.

I had spent time thinking about what I could give the leaders as farewell presents and ended up ordering mugs with their Owl names on them and a picture of an owl too. The young leaders had Nemo mugs with their Nemo names on as well.

I managed to find someone who was able to make me personalised thank you letters too - they said "thank you from Brown Owl" on them.

The night passed quickly with leftover biscuits and squash from pack holiday the weekend before and one of the other leaders made some brownie cakes for us all to have.

Some of the brownies gave me cards and presents - the best one was one from sisters that I have in the unit at the the moment which had "open with a smile" written on the back! The one that made me cry was from a mum and two daughters  - the youngest of which is currently in the unit.

Barn Owl gave me a beautiful silver trefoil broach which I shall cherish always.

The unit gave me a lovely Darlington glass vase which was tinted blue and has a trefoil on it - I put my tulips from one of the brownies in it as soon as I got home!

I feel nothing at the moment - that might be because my dining room is covered in brownie stuff waiting to be collected by the leader who is babysitting the unit for the coming term. No one has come forward to be Brown Owl which worries me, as the 2 leaders who are babysitting the unit for the coming term are very clear that they will not be able to take it on full-time - one is about to qualify as a new teacher and will be working about 45 minutes away (not in rush hour traffic) and the other is about to start a Head of Faculty job which will be full-on as well.

I have started swimming with Barn Owl - my aim is to swim each week as part of my preparations for the half Moonwalk in May. We sneak in to a "This Girl Can" session at our local pool on a Tuesday night. I say sneak in as the campaign is actually aimed at 14-40 year olds and although we don't like to admit it, we are fast heading towards our 50's!

This week when we met, I gave her a bunch of flowers and another thank you card - if it wasn't for her, I would never have gone to run the unit. She has helped me through so many challenging times and to me is an excellent role model for anybody wanting to be a guider. I wanted to give her something else besides the general presents that I gave to everyone else. I know that the flowers won't last forever, but the card was different to everyone else's and to me that made it just a little bit more personal.

The recruitment blurb for Guiding says that we only have to give 90 minutes each week - I look forward to claiming back that 90 minutes each week then!!

Goodbye for now Guiding - I think I deserve a rest after 33 years with you.

Time to say goodbye

My Guiding spirit has finally been broken. I am at that point in my life that I need to say enough is enough and walk away.

For the past 9 years I have been Brown Owl - at times very rewarding and at others a very thankless task.

I have met some fantastic people and am proud to say that some of them have become very good friends - there are many experiences in my life that I would not have had, had it not been for Guiding.

I thought about stepping down about 18 months ago, just before I started my prescribing course, but another long-standing leader beat me to it. Since then I have only gone through the motions and now feel that it is starting to show to the girls.

I am tired - I am the only leader who turns up week after week, the others rotate through. Barn Owl has offered to cover me at times when she has seen how down I am, but I feel guilty asking her to do so, as she is busy running her Ranger unit by default and she never has any other help!

My house has cupboard, after cupboard full of brownie stuff - boxes of left over craft, cupboards of just stuff! I want my house back, I want my life back, I want someone else to take over the responsibility of running the unit.

Work hasn't helped in that I seem to be working 14 hour days at the moment and at least 5 hours each Saturday - and no there is no overtime as its the NHS and we're broke!

This time last year, we were trying to deal with the sudden death of one of our fellow Guiders - it was not her time to go, how can life be so cruel? The past couple of weeks, has seen me thinking about her a lot and maybe this hasn't helped with how I am feeling in general, but I know now is the time to say goodbye.

I hope that I will return to Guiding sometime in the future, I just know that if I don't walk away now, I will come to hate Guiding and will never return.

I have challenges for the New Year - my weight loss has never really got going, so I have persuaded a group of Guiders to help me complete the half Moonwalk in May - it's meant to be 13 miles, but because it's a new route this year, we will have to do 15 instead!! There will be 5 of us walking that night so we will have fun whatever!

So , when I finalise the program for the coming term, the email that will go out to the other leaders will also say that my last night will be the 17th March  - light the touch paper and stand back - how many of the other leaders will stay? Who will step up and run the unit? It will become interesting I can tell you!

The never ending weight battle!

I have blogged before in a roundabout way about my weight and what I was doing to try and loose some of it.

Well things have gone a bit astray and I am almost back to my starting weight :( I am however able to still fit into my new clothes which seems quite strange!

Life has been hectic since I returned from Tallin and I haven't been able to make time for Zumba or even fat club!

This week, Monkey is away with the Army once again for his annual camp and so I thought I would make time for me. I have begun gently though - Zumba on Monday night and aqua aerobics on Wednesday night. My plan is for Zumba on a Monday and Tuesday and Aqua on a Wednesday, walk to Brownies on a Thursday and meet a friend to walk with her and her dog on a Saturday morning.

I do not have time to attend a physical fat club meeting either anymore, so have decided to cancel my subscription for now and look at the online version instead. I have not yet signed up to that - I will see how things are going come September.

I do love a gadget and so I have invested in a Fitbit - a fancy pedometer that talks to my phone and tells me what I have been doing, it even tells me how many floors I have climbed if I can be bothered to climb them instead of taking the lift at work!

I was due to be meeting my friend today for the walk but she has had a bereavement in the family and so I haven't done that today, however, hubby is off work tomorrow and the weather is looking ok, so hopefully we will have a stroll to Wistow and back.

When I see some of the patients at work and also the complications my mum is having through her diabetes, I realise that I am a ticking time bomb and I really do need to do something about this - it becomes a harder challenge as you get older to loose weight so I need to do something and do it now.

My eating habits have become poor recently and I think it's about how tired I am when I get home - I can't be bothered to think about making my lunch for the following day and so I just nip along to the cafe at work the next day and buy a sausage roll - they sell lovely ones!!

I have managed to do well with fruit and I seem to be filling our fruit bowl 3 times a week at home now - even Monkey was eating better before he went to camp.

We rarely get to bed before midnight at the moment and eating around 10pm doesn't help much either. I am also up and leaving the house by 6:45 each morning so am tired before  even get to work. All of this needs to change - we say it each week that we should be in bed for 10pm but it just doesn't seem to happen!

Hubby and I also made a pact about 3 weeks ago to stop buying the reduced pastries when we were on our way home and not to have sweet stuff in the house - all well and good but when it comes to that time of the month - I NEED SWEET STUFF IDEALLY CHOCOLATE!

I have charged up the Wii Fit Board too and am hoping that on the days I don't do exercise or the long walk, that I will spend 20 minutes or so on that - it will track my weight for me too, so fingers crossed I can start to loose something.

Lets hope I can do something about this now, before it gets too late!

Family Night Out

Each year, our small work department, has a Petanque challenge. Since starting there, I have never managed to make the night as they tend to hold it at the end of June, usually on my husband's birthday!

This year, they have held it at the end of July - I duly signed up, and then thought last week about asking the boys if they would like to come along too!

Surprisingly, they said yes!

So the evening looms -  it was forecast for heavy rain - and yep, there was heavy rain all night! The mood was somber in the car on the 40 minute drive out to the pub where it was being held, hubby apprehensive about being in a social situation with people he didn't know and not having alcohol to boost his confidence, monkey sulking as he had an evening planned in front of the X-box!

However, once we were there, things got better! We were pitched against a team where I only knew one person but we all got on and had some fun. Having never played Petanque before, we all just reverted back to the game we knew it as - boules from monkey's younger years.

The pitch was muddy and each time we threw a boule, a divot appeared in the ground! The rain poured, the boules were muddier each round and there was nowhere to wash your hands in between throws - they needed a bucket of water to dip your hands in to wash off the mud and to wash the boules with too!

We were the first match to finish - there were 4 other matches going on as we had about 20 people there. We thrashed our opponents - 14 - 1. They were happy though as they wanted to win Valerie the Wooden Duck and Spoon - the booby prize!

We won a commemorative plate - a large oval plate which was "borrowed" from the pub the first year they held the challenge and which someone has subsequently decorated and added the names of the winning team from each year on the back!

This year, our team name will be proudly written - No ifs, just buts - this was the best we could come up with as Far Canals, Norfolk and Hope, Ginger Nuts and Ginger Buts were all rejected!!!

Food followed and monkey was very polite and held his discussions well - loved the part where he was telling a consultant how protein works with his gym routine and muscle build-up!!! To give him his due, the consultant was very good and sounded impressed with monkey's knowledge!

Hubby offered to drive, so I was able to have a couple of drinks which was good too!

All in all a good night and the boys seemed happier on the trip home  - looking forward to more of these nights out soon!

Pregnant :(

Today, I have been sent this picture.

To sit and look at it breaks my heart, while at the same time, being ecstatically happy for my baby brother and his wife.

While I understand that they have been trying for a couple of years now to get to this point and have had to undergo IVF to get to here, the other part of me, feels distraught and unable to put on my happy face.

It reminds me , yet again, what a failure I am. I have only been able to carry one baby to full term, had at least 2 miscarriages, if not more, have also undergone IVF - but ours was not successful.

I know that there are still another 28 weeks to go for my sister in law, but to have got to this point is a major step for them.

I have sent my congratulations, told monkey that he will have another cousin just after Christmas - out of all of the cousin pregnancies, I think he will be the happiest about this one - this uncle and aunt are his favourite - he was an usher at their wedding but only because he was too big to be a page boy!

I am still estranged from this side of my family, I understand that our middle brother has sold his house and is about to move, but he is yet to tell me this or provide me with his new address - maybe he is waiting for it all to go through.

I have no desire to see my Dad's wife, but with this new one arriving, it may make things very difficult, or it will just emphasise once again, that we are not really welcome in her house at any time.

Time will tell, but in the meantime, I will continue to hope that all goes well for my sister in law and that she has a good pregnancy. I know the birth will be difficult, as she had a fractured pelvis when she was 16 following a road traffic accident when in Italy, so there will be added complications with the birth - with my knowledge of midwifery, I would think she may have to have an elective section - not the best thing to start your life as a new mum as, but she will cope - she has a very large Italian family and of course, my Dad's wife!

And so another 5 months passes by!

Life for me has been as busy as usual!

Brownies is full on as always - we have 32 girls and have finally had to move to a new meeting place as the old one was really just too small to fit us all in! We have moved to a church hall which has a large tarmac'd area outside but the best part is the large hall and a big and clean kitchen which we can use!! This term has been hard work, as we have had to think about how to run the meetings now that we are at the new hall. The Mummy Owl rota has continued with some them really great and others very hard work, but we get through them all each term. I've managed to get them to use our Facebook page to ask to swap nights as I have told them that they need to sort out the changes - I really just don't have the time to do it.

I have been away for the weekend for our County Training weekend. I haven't been away for one of these for a long time now and really ummed and ahhed about going but now I'm glad this I did go. There were a very small number of Guiders who went this weekend - 32 - and so it felt more cosier than normal. While I was there, I was "persuaded" to join the staff side for Charnwood which is an international Scout and Guide camp which is held very 5 years. I did do it in 2011 and was part of the First Aid team - not where I want to be this time around. However, the head of the First Aid team from last time also does not want to be part of the First Aid team either, but is keen to lead the Special Needs team and has asked me to be her deputy - now that I could do. So now, I am waiting to hear if we have been successful in our job applications!

When I was awarded my Midlands Chief Guide award, I met a Brownie Leader from Birmingham who had taken a group of Brownies to Lapland for the day and I was really keen to do that with ours. Kelloggsville was keen to help me with this, but when we came back to speak to the other leaders in our group, they weren't so keen so we left that idea for the time being. I talked about this with one of the Deputy County Commissioners this weekend who advises on International trips and said I would be keen to lead a County-wide trip to Lapland for our County's centenary celebration in 2017. That seemed to have a great reception, so it is now my big plan to work towards. I think I will have enough support and I don't need to have my International license for this as it is only a day trip!

I managed to pass my Nurse Independent and Supplementary Prescribing qualification finally after a lot of hard work! I had to resubmit my portfolio after failing it by just 2% but last week I found out that I had finally passed it! So that now means that I can prescribe drugs just the same as a doctor can!

My Consultant has returned to work and I am so glad that she has. It has however been difficult for her as her work colleagues have not been supportive and have made things hard for her - trying to make her have a caseload which includes patients with cancer and this has been clear from her occupational health consultant that this should not be the case. We have had many tears at work when she can no longer cope with how they are treating her. She is now at the point where she is thinking about leaving and going to another Trust but would also like me to go along too - I'm flattered but not sure if I can do the commute each day as it would be almost double the distance but on the other hand, I don't know if I could be on my own at our current Trust with the lack of support I had last time! We are about to ask for a higher band for my job and this may be the decision breaker - if I can have that higher grade, I may well stay but if not, then maybe it will be time to move to the new job instead!

Life is always about decisions and I suppose I have many to make at the moment.  I will try and write about them as I make them, but I can't make that promise  - my track record is never good!!

Where have the last 12 months gone??

Life as always for me has been fraught and even more so over the past 12 months.

Monkey has had a great time - skiing with the Army Cadets in Italy in February, Canoe Cadet in May half term, Annual Camp in August, leaving his High School and moving onto a new school for the last 2 years of his schooling (although he should be staying on until the end of Year 13, he is still adamant that he wants to join the Army at the end of Year 11), has been made a Lance Corporal, laid the wreath for the Army Cadets at this years Remembrance Parade, become a fully qualified first aider as part of his cadet training and attended a training weekend at Yardley Chase where he has now almost completed his 2 star training. He did leave Explorers which was a sad time for me as he had been in Scouting for almost 9 years at that point but once he wasn't chosen for the World Jamboree to Japan he seemed to loose all interest in Scouting. All in all a good year for him. The only blot on his horizon was when taking part in his first contact training session of the year at a rugby team he had joined, he managed to dislocate his knee which meant that he was in plaster for almost 6 weeks and we are still rehabbing, at a point where he must not take part in any contact sports, can only gently jog (and that has only been in the past week) and he is to start a weekly knee rehab class the first week back in January - it will be a long and slow process but he needs to get it right to make sure that he can be as fit as possible for the Army.

My Dad's wife wrote to me in July to tell me that she basically cannot stand me and that she has no wish to have anything to do with me, hubby or Monkey in the future, but that she would not stand in my way if I wanted to see my Dad or brothers. How gracious of her!! As you know the feeling is mutual and that has make things easier from my point of view but its the way she can dismiss Monkey from her life so easily which makes it difficult for me to explain things to Monkey. I will keep her letter and let Monkey see that when he is older, maybe when my Dad has passed away and he wants to keep in contact with her, he will see that there really is no point at all.

My consultant at work was diagnosed with breast cancer in March this year and has been off work since. She has had 6 cycles of chemotherapy, followed by a wide local excision and axillary node clearance and then she went on to have 5 weeks of radiotherapy. She was 37 when she was diagnosed with no family history. She had recently split from her long term partner who she thought she would be marrying in the not too distant future but he had different ideas! She has now been given the all clear and is just waiting for things to be sorted for her phased return to work to be agreed and then how she will be working when she is back full time. I have missed her greatly and being totally selfish, I cannot wait for her to come back. I have seen her most weeks while she has been off and when we were at the Houses of Parliament for a meeting in November, we went on to see Les Miserable as a end of sickness treat - an amazing show if you ever get the chance to go.

I started my nurse prescribers course in September, and am really struggling with it - I am doing it at Master's level and really wish that I hadn't done it at that level now, but too late. I have about 5 weeks to go until I have to hand in my portfolio and hopefully that will be the major part of it done then, just the OSCE and the short answer paper to pass. I have however met some great people and am grateful for the support that they have been giving to me.

My Mum has been unwell once again. May saw her admitted to the local hospital with pneumonia where they also discovered a degree of heart failure. She recovered fairly well but it did take a couple of months for her to get back to her baseline. When she went to see a cardiologist in September for a follow-up appointment, they informed her that she had actually had a small heart attack and that she would need a cardiac angio to check the state of her heart. However, because of her kidney problems they would need to be cautious with the procedure. Luckily, Mum was due to see her renal doctor who on checking her kidney function said that she couldn't have the angio as it would knacker her kidneys completely. Anyway, things have bounced back and forth between the cardiologist and the renal doctor until it all came to a head last week when her renal doctor has said that she now needs to start dialysis ideally within the next month - to Mum this is a big shock - to me, not so. Having been a renal nurse for a large part of my life, I could see where it was going, but as my Mum usually thinks that I don't really know anything, I have kept quiet. Wrong of me? No, as even if I had warned her about anything, she would have just ignored it all. I do know that she likes her community renal nurse, so that's a bonus and she does listen to what she is saying. Mum thinks she would like to have PD - great, however, she does have bad eyesight and that will put her at risk of peritonitis. I have talked to her about this over the phone when she rang me to say that she would be staring dialysis soon, but she says that it will all be ok as she is going to do the dialysis overnight. Again, I don't think this is right for her as she has no room in her bedroom for the APD machine, and when I mentioned that she would need to clear out the small spare room to make way for all of the boxes and dialysis things that she would need, she said that she wasn't going to be doing that. I suggested at that point that she might like to have a chat with the community nurse to see what was going to be involved. I think I will be contacting my friend who still works in renal as a community nurse and asking for a crash refresher course in how to set up the APD machines!!!

Brownies continue to be a large part of my life. I am glad that I haven't been the District Commissioner for the past 12 months. I have stepped aside as a mentor and I am about to stop doing the DBS checks. I am now left with only the Brownie pack to run. I was planning on stepping aside from that in the summer but unfortunately, one of the other leaders chose the beginning of the summer term to tell me that she would be leaving which left me having to stay. I still want to leave, but at the moment we will be at 31 Brownies in January when we go back and that puts me in a difficult position! We only have 3 adults who attend on a regular basis, one of which is me every week and the other two do alternate weeks, so we do actually run on only 2 adults each week. I have Young Leaders (two of which are now 18 or will be when we return) but due to their A level commitments, they are not able to come every week and it all becomes a bit more of a nightmare as the 3 older Young Leaders will all take their A levels this year, and the 2 younger Young Leaders will be taking their GCES's this year, so the times that they will be able to come along will all reduce at about the same time! I have a great Brownie Helper who started with us in September and she has made a great difference to the help.

Then just as I was thinking that I was at last coming to the end of what has really been a bad year, a friend and fellow guider died suddenly and unexpectedly on the 12th December. She was a year younger than me, never appeared to be unhealthy (although I have since learnt that she did have some sort of heart condition which she had had since childhood) and was the local Rainbow Leader. I feel that I have had no right to be as upset as I was about her dying so suddenly, but thinking about things over the past couple of days, I think I have possibly reached my tipping point and this sent me over the edge into something I can only describe as devastated and depressed. I have tried to be the rock for everybody - being the previous District Commissioner and the new one only just being in post for a couple of months - people did seem to fall to me for advice and support. With my job, I am more than happy to provide the support, as I feel that sometimes group support is so much better for all involved but is has been hard coming on top of all of the other things that have happened this year. I have felt a fraud at times being so upset - I could be driving to the supermarket and just suddenly burst into tears. Her funeral was held on Christmas Eve. I sobbed all of the way to the church which was about a 20 minute drive. The church was packed and people were even just standing at the back due to their being no room to sit and it was a big church. There were about 20 past and present guiders there including the County and Regional Commissioners - it was good to see the people there. Her husband was stoic in church as were their twin 16 year old children. However, me and  Kelloggsville went to the crematorium and here is where the tears really flowed. We then went back to the wake and spent a while talking with the twins and seeing that actually they were coping so much better than I thought they would. Her husband is a different matter - I'm not really sure how he is going to cope, but he does have many friends and family who will help him through this I know.

All in all, the year has been a busy one, with lots of sad times but good times too. Memories have been made and I am glad that I have had these too. I know that from now on, I need to live life to the full, grab what I want with both hands and never be afraid to tell someone that I love them as I never know what is around the corner.

This will be my motto for 2015 - Happy New Year one and all

Families

I come from a broken home - my Dad left my Mum when I was 4 years old for another woman (many years down the line that woman took great pleasure in telling me that she had been having an affair with my Dad even before I was born!)
My Mum went on to meet a fantastic man who became all that I needed as father figure and his family took me in as the only granddaughter - they had two grandsons who were both older than me.
My Mum and step father have now been married 36 years (as has my Dad and the other woman).
I have never felt accepted by my Dad's second wife - I don't call her my step mum as she has never shown a maternal bone in her body towards me.
I have two half brothers - one of which was announced to me as a "there is a surprise waiting for you when we get home" the first time I ever went to stay with my Dad overnight after the divorce and remarriages had taken place.
I have always loved both of my brothers unconditionally and over the years even though I don't see them all very often, I feel that we are close. I am closer to my baby brother more than the middle brother but we all still have that connection.
My middle brother lives near Gatwick and so its not often we get to see each other and my baby brother lives just over an hour away from me so since he and his wife moved there we have seen a bit more of them.
My Dad announced about 3 years ago that he would be moving up to live near my baby brother when they could sell their house which I was really happy about as I have never lived this close to my Dad since he left us when I was 4.
My Dad's closet in age brother also lives near my baby brother so this was also a good idea as there are now only 2 of his 5 of his siblings alive with the other one living in Australia for the past 64 years.
For the past couple of years my Dad's wife has been off with me - I can't pin it down to a specific thing but she goes out of her way to avoid speaking to me and generally makes me feel like I am dog shit on the bottom of her shoe.
My Dad is Dad, I think he is completely oblivious to it all and I won't highlight it to him as I don't want to make any more problems - Dad is 13 years older than her and not really in the best of health any more.
They finally managed to sell their house last summer and moved up to the area about 2 weeks before Monkey's birthday in September.
Monkey and I visited the new house just before Christmas to drop off Christmas presents - no invite to come and visit before that had been offered and I made the call and said that we would be down to exchange presents one afternoon while Monkey was recovering from his head injury.
While we were there, I had a phone call I needed to take in a different room, so made my way into the lounge for some privacy and found the Christmas tree all set up with enough presents under it to be given out to a whole primary school which were for my middle brother's 2 children. They are 6 and 3 years old. I was flabbergasted at the amount of presents there. Monkey being the oldest grandchild (he's 14 now) has never had more than one present. I appreciate that he isn't her grandchild but he has always called her nanny which she was happy with up until the arrival of my brother's first child.
My middle brother then sent me a message via Facebook a few days after Christmas saying that he had our Christmas presents still as we had not visited Dad's over the holiday - I replied and told him that his mum had never invited us down so that was why we did not visit.
Things came to head on my birthday when I had a random card which could have been sent to anybody with just "love Dad and Lyn" on it. No phone call to wish me happy birthday or to say that they had a present for me the next time I visited. Now I'm not materialistic, but I do make sure that my closet family has a present from both me and hubby and one from the Monkey for birthdays and Christmas and that if we can't see them around the time of the event, then we make sure that they know that we have something. I will be honest with you - I was devastated. Now I don't cry very often, but that day - which should have been a happy day spent with my husband - the first two hours were spent sobbing. Hubby had no idea what to do with me - he understands how I have been feeling but his response is "fuck them" we are happy enough without them and if they upset me that much then I need to stay away from them. He ripped up the card and threw it out as he knew that it had upset me so much.
Dad finally rang the following day and said that he rang my work phone and even though it said on the answerphone message that I was not at work until the following week, he didn't know where to ring.
We have a cousin who lives in Australia who is visiting the UK for the first time in a few weeks. He arrives the day that I am in Leeds with my Centenary Camp friends. We have arranged for me to visit him a couple of days after his arrival (the Monday) at Dad's as he is staying there for the start of the visit. Hubby is on a day off and so the plan is for us to collect Monkey from school and travel down to arrive late afternoon.
When we got home from an afternoon out last Sunday there was a missed call from Dad. When I rang back, she answered the phone and despite me saying "hello, how are you?", she just said "I'll get your Dad."
Dad was asking if we had heard from our cousin and what we had arranged for visiting. I told him the plan and he said that was great as everyone else was going on the Sunday - both brothers and wives and children, my Uncle with his daughter and her family. I mentioned that I was in Leeds on the Sunday but could leave early, drive home, collect the boys and then come and join everyone so that we could all see each other as we haven't been together as a family for a long time. When my Dad mentioned this to her she said no as it was a full house and there would be too many people there - they have moved into a 5 bedroomed house with 3 reception rooms as well as a large kitchen diner!
So I just said yes ok when I really wanted to say no - we will come on the Sunday and just squeeze in! I want to see everybody too.
When I told hubby, he said that we just won't bother going and to be honest I agree - I don't think I can visit and feel relaxed. I know that I will miss out on meeting my cousin and his family, but I think I will just break down in tears and that's not something I want to do in front of my family.
I've decided to just step away from them all for now - if they invite us to something I will think long and hard before accepting. To be honest, I've even said that once Dad is no longer with us, at that point I will walk away and have absolutely nothing to do with any of them - I'm sure they won't miss me!!

Life Sucks

Life has been pretty hectic recently - well what's new??

Monkey had a bad head injury while playing rugby in the middle of December at school - this resulted in him being admitted to hospital overnight with talk at the start of him being transferred to the local neurological centre if things didn't improve - being a nurse in A&E and listening to what they weren't saying was scary. Luckily, he was much better the following day, but we are 2 and a half months down the road and he still gets headaches and takes analgesia each day.

I resigned from the role of District commissioner - I was actually very disappointed by my County Commissioner's reply to my resignation. The two Guide companies which initiated  my resignation are still being allowed to run in a way which is not appropriate but I will say that after the Treasurer from the Scout and Guide Hut rang County HQ and made the situation very clear from his point of view and the fact that the rent for the current year (£1000) for the two units has still not been paid and that there has been no effort by them to pay the £1800 still owed from previous years in a half hour conversation with them, things have finally moved forward. The two leaders have been given ultimatums which should have been completed by this coming Monday. Although I don't have the right to know what is going on, the person who is going to take on the challenge of being DC had stated that she would not take on the role unless the Guide units have been sorted, is keen to keep me up to date, so hopefully I will know what has happened - I will be honest, it's killing me not knowing!!

Work has been hard - so much to do, not enough hours in the day to do it all, humiliation by a consultant via a global email (mind you my boss was great and soon slapped them down!!), a new job description which has me banded to a higher grade but it just reflects everything I am currently doing.

Last week, I was in Edinburgh studying haemophilia - all part of my new job description - and had my phone stolen from my bag while waiting at the bus stop. I have never felt so cut off from things before - Monkey is in Italy skiing with the Army and it was the only contact number they had for me if anything happened! Things were soon sorted, but I don't want to go back there in a hurry I can tell you!

We have Pack Holiday planned for 3 weeks time - I'm not prepared at all. I can't seem to get my head around anything outside of work at the moment and things will only get worse as I need to complete my independent nurse prescribers course which I have been told will take over my life completely for 6 months - I am worried.

I am the only leader who attends every week - the others attend every other week at the most but then don't turn up until after the meeting time starts so often leaving me with just the girls and the young leaders, which is not good from a safe guarding point of view.

I feel that I don't have a handle on anything at the moment and that I am going to loose the plot at some point and that may be very soon the way things are going!

Good things have happened too though - my best friend and I have reconnected recently, although she has shocked me more than ever with some of her antics, but there's nothing new in that! We have met up for afternoon tea a couple of times and now have a fixed date once a month to do it which will give me some "me" time.

I'm also meeting up with my friends from Centenary Camp in 2010. We have all met up quite a bit in the past 12 months but since we left Leeds in 2010, we have never all been together at the same time. So at the beginning of April all of us will be meeting up and staying together in Leeds. That is something I am really looking forward to it.

I'm sure things will sort themselves out and get better - they always do. I just wish I could miss out the crap bit once in a while and just have a good journey instead :)

And so the deed is done.........

I have done it - I have resigned as District Commissioner. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you.
I went to see my Division Commissioner about something completely different and it all just blurted out!!
Mind you, I did feel much better for it I can tell you. I then went home and emailed the County Commissioner who to be honest didn't seem all that bothered about it - which has me worried about what has been going on behind my back - have I ever told you that I am a tad bit paranoid at times??
Less than 5 days later,  a letter drops through my door "FYI" which is a copy of the letter sent to all of the leaders in the District saying that as my time nears its end, she would like someone to step up and take on the role - not a word about me resigning a year early.
We are now almost 4 weeks down the line and not a single person has stepped forward or been nominated as far as I know.
Kelloggsville even went as far as to suggest in a letter to the County Commissioner that our District would be better off split into the 2 villages with the workload being shared between the leaders instead of having a DC. Not sure if she has even had a reply about that one!
So, my housekeeping for the DC is well on its way - I have asked for the annual reports of the 12 Units to be emailed to me before Christmas - so far I have had 1 emailed back and my own unit - no change there then. I have reminded them all that they need to keep GO! up to date (that is when it's not having a major outage which does not help things I might add) and that their accounts need to be audited by an independent person and  a copy of a signed summary given to the Division Commissioner before the end of January 2014 - good luck is what I say. I still haven't seen either of the Guide Units accounts from the other village for this year yet!
We have a social event planned for the beginning of January, So far only the usual people have signed up to come along - oh well, we will have some fun I know.
I am counting the days - 22 to go - I do not have a big countdown on the wall of my office - honest!
I am looking forward to some quality time - I may even find some extra time to write on here more often - you never know :)

The Time Has Come ..........

I've reached that stage in life where I am fast approaching burnout!!

Work is going in directions I never thought it would go - meetings in the Houses of Parliament, presenting at national and international conferences, attending conferences in different countries!

Home life seems to be so busy - I thought that when Monkey was this age, our problems with childcare would be non-existent, that's not the problem, it's getting him to everything he wants to go to that is the problem!

Guiding seems to be taking up too much of my time - running my brownie pack each week and then being District Commissioner on top of that has me torn between where I should be and supporting what I ask myself. The Big Brownie Birthday is starting in January - to be honest I have no idea what is going on when previously I would be all set up and raring to go.

Something has to give - work isn't an option due to the small matter of needing to earn a wage, giving monkey up for adoption seems so tempting when we are having problems with him, but no! that isn't an option either!

The only other thing that can go is Guiding! But this is such a large part of my life! To be honest, I think I could cope with just being Brown Owl again - no meetings for this, that and the other to go to, stressing about back rent at the Scout and Guide Hut, stressing about 2 rogue Guide Leaders who seem to be able to charm their way out of anything and everything and push the blame on to others (namely me I might add) and despite being given ultimatums by the Assistant County Commissioner still seem to be in post despite missing them by 6 months and counting.

So my choice is made - January the 1st 2014 will see me resign with immediate effect from my District Commissioner role - that will be about an extra 24 hours a month I will gain back - not much in the grand scheme of things but if it means that I don't have to rush home and rush straight back out again within 10 minutes and gives me more time to spend with hubby (who's mantra is "work, brownies, social then us") then that makes me (and him) a happy person!!

 

I want more of these days - who wouldn't!!!