Monday 13 July 2015

Pregnant :(

Today, I have been sent this picture.

To sit and look at it breaks my heart, while at the same time, being ecstatically happy for my baby brother and his wife.

While I understand that they have been trying for a couple of years now to get to this point and have had to undergo IVF to get to here, the other part of me, feels distraught and unable to put on my happy face.

It reminds me , yet again, what a failure I am. I have only been able to carry one baby to full term, had at least 2 miscarriages, if not more, have also undergone IVF - but ours was not successful.

I know that there are still another 28 weeks to go for my sister in law, but to have got to this point is a major step for them.

I have sent my congratulations, told monkey that he will have another cousin just after Christmas - out of all of the cousin pregnancies, I think he will be the happiest about this one - this uncle and aunt are his favourite - he was an usher at their wedding but only because he was too big to be a page boy!

I am still estranged from this side of my family, I understand that our middle brother has sold his house and is about to move, but he is yet to tell me this or provide me with his new address - maybe he is waiting for it all to go through.

I have no desire to see my Dad's wife, but with this new one arriving, it may make things very difficult, or it will just emphasise once again, that we are not really welcome in her house at any time.

Time will tell, but in the meantime, I will continue to hope that all goes well for my sister in law and that she has a good pregnancy. I know the birth will be difficult, as she had a fractured pelvis when she was 16 following a road traffic accident when in Italy, so there will be added complications with the birth - with my knowledge of midwifery, I would think she may have to have an elective section - not the best thing to start your life as a new mum as, but she will cope - she has a very large Italian family and of course, my Dad's wife!

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