A letter to a colleague

Dear K,

I have worked with you now for 4 years and I have finally realised how selfish and spiteful you really can be.

We clashed from the start - you disliked me as I threatened your position on the ward even though I was a band below you - and I disliked you because I could not believe how incompetent you really were!

Over the past 4 years we have had to deal with every family crisis as a ward - we have had the bad heads, the constant phone calls from child/husband - whoever the crisis was occurring to at the time - leaving the ward in tears because you should be on holiday but because your selfish husband tore his Achilles tendon you couldn't go!!! the child who has abdominal migraines - our professional opinion on the ward is that this was just to get some attention as you were told she will never grow out of them, but lo and behold 18 months down the line now she has changed schools and is no longer a social outcast they have disappeared!!!

We have been supportive of you when you have had to have 6 months off sick to cope with said child and her condition which included the same child being crowned a carnival queen and going on a 3 day trip to Euro Disney during these 6 months off!

We have supported you when your husband became ill and of course nothing went right and you were off for almost 4 months then - can you see a pattern forming by any chance?

The past 6 months have been relatively quiet - maybe I should have taken this as a warning of things to come?

Our boss went off sick with stress in December - please note, this is proper stress not just stress from not going on holiday! and since then you have tried to undermine me at every corner.

You are not aware of it as I do not bring my personal life to work and share with everyone and anyone who will listen, but about 3 weeks ago I suffered a miscarriage. I have continued to work even doing some double shifts to cover the shortage of staff due to the boss being off sick and another on maternity leave. Have I once taken time off work or walked off the ward for some quiet time - no. I have left my problems at the front door and got on with the job in hand.

You have tried to wean your way into the acting HON good books by being all nice and helpful - what would be helpful K is if you could actually learn how to do the reports that need to be submitted every month regarding finance, sickness, HR issues etc, maybe even do the allocations on a Friday for a change and look at how many patients we have coming in the following week and check that they are appropriate for the ward. Maybe even - god forbid - you could do the off duty! The only problem with asking you to do any of these things would be that you would need at least 3 days to achieve them all when in actual fact they could be done in half a day if all the data is there!

This week is half term, one member of staff is on annual leave, one is off on sick, one is off on maternity leave, another is having 3 days annual leave and I am on a first aid at work course in a neighbouring town 45 miles away for 3 days.

Your weekend didn't go to plan - some argument with husband to the best of my knowledge, so you arrive for work on Monday saying that you haven't slept because of it. You then proceed to spend the whole shift trying to find people to cover the shifts we are short for on Wednesday. Because you can't find anyone, you trot off to the HON and say that I will have to come off of my course - the ward is safely covered it just means that you would have to work just that little bit harder for once in your life!

The course I am doing involves 3 days teaching with written exams at the end of each day and a practical assessment and a multiple choice exam on the last afternoon. Attendance and passing is mandatory for each day/exam! This has cost my ward £200. If I do not go on Wednesday, then I have failed the course and wasted £200 and two days of travelling 90 miles each day!

Today I receive a text from M - you are off sick and I have to come in on Wednesday. This really is the final straw - I am developing myself and trying to ensure that I do not stagnate in my career and you try and sabotage my every move!

This time of year is bad for me with lots of emotions running high, combined with the recent miscarriage, this really has been the last straw!

I have been asked to think about a Thromboprophylaxis nurse job which has just been found funding in the Trust and the way I feel today, I would snap it up without a backward thought. I would miss all of the girls on the ward and I would worry about how they were coping with you in charge, but at the end of the day, it wouldn't be my problem anymore.

So my final thoughts on the matter are this - get a grip woman, the world does not revolve around you and your tragic life. We all have better things to do with our lives and would rather not have to listen to you bleat on again.

Please sort yourself out!

Regards A

PS: I feel much better for getting this off my chest, but I should apologise to anyone who has been unfortunate enough to bother reading it!

Post traumatic!

Well, Saturday night saw me returning to the National Space Centre for my Division's Brownie sleepover. I vowed that I would not return to another one, but having promised to organise it for our Division Commissioner in a weak moment while being the Brownie Holiday Advisor my hands were tied!
This time, I didn't get to sleep under the world :(
I got to sleep by the entrance to the Space Theatre - right in the line of all traffic to and from the toilet throughout the night - joy!
By 2 am the words " walk don't run, this is the last time you need to go to the toilet, go back to bed, switch off your torches and GO TO SLEEP!" had been said so many times I felt I was saying them in my sleep :)
We took 106 Brownies, 2 Guides, 6 Young Leaders and 24 adults - way too may adults but to be honest you can never have enough at a sleepover on this large scale!
We had a competition to design a badge for the event - every guide loves a badge - which we have had made up and given to all who came for the night.
All the girls left with their Stargazer badge - not sure we really completed the full syllabus but you can't sleep at the National Space Centre and not get your Stargazer badge!!
We arrived at 6.30 pm - having had tea before getting there, then after a quick safety chat from the 4 staff who would be staying with us for the night, we split into 4 groups and went around the galleries - exhibits - and completed a trail. Then we went into the space theatre and saw a film about the astronaut's body. Then we came out and had our packed suppers and then went into the big craft rooms and split into 2 groups - one made alien face masks and the other made rockets which they then went and fired at the planet earth - photo at the the top! Last time we did it we went outside, but the staff thought it was too cold! Then the groups swapped over and did the other crafts.
Then we went back into the space theatre to see the sky at night film and then it was time for bed - it was 10.40 pm already!
You sleep in and around the exhibits - they are turned off at night so you don't get them talking to you!
Girls can only bring sleep mats, adults can bring air beds!
Lights are switched off at just after 11 pm and then the torch games and fun begin!
Don't bank on sleeping if you go - you may be lucky and only doze
Lights come back on at 7 am and then it's a quick wash and change, pack up your bags, breakfast - provided by the Space Centre - and then into the shop - this takes a bit of time when they all have £5 to spend!!!
Parents collect at 9 am
Adults go home and collapse at 9.15 am!
I've had to take my large scale licence to do this - lots of paperwork to organise, but you provide a pack for each unit going and they do all the hard work!! It's really all about organisation and getting people to stick to deadlines about payment. I made all of mine pay up front - the Space Centre don't invoice you until after the event. That way cheques have cleared etc and you can pay their invoice quickly.
Things I have learnt:
People are never as organise as you are!
Give people deadlines at least 4 weeks before you need them!
If you tell the units they need 1 adult to 8 children make sure they bring the correct ratios and don't promise to cover the cost of the extra adults if they have more adults than children!
Be nice to your Division Commissioner as she will pay your overspend!
Brownies scream alot in the dark!
Did I enjoy it - yes. My report and evidence are completed and I just need the invoice from the Space Centre so that I can complete my accounts and then I can hand in my portfolio and get my large scale licence!
Parting words to the Division Commissioner - "of course we can come again in a couple of years!!!!"

Sleepover at the National Space Centre - part 2

Well, tonight it is my turn to run the sleepover at the national space centre.
I have 106 brownies, 2 guides, 6 young leaders and 26 guiders plus 4 space centre staff coming along!
I am hoping that things will go much better than the last one - these brownies will be much better behaved!
The weather is behaving - we go outside for part of the evening - and I just need to pack my bag, and a packed supper and I will be there!
Report back tomorrow - excited - yes - panicking - oh yes!!!

Emotions

For the past month I have felt different - not really sure why but just different!
The past 7 days I have now found out why!
To the best of my knowledge I have just had my second miscarriage. At the end of the day, I wasn't really pregnant, I was only just there - 5/6 weeks possibly?
But the physical pain I have endured these past 7 days was unbelievable. My hormones have been all over the place and and I haven't really functioned well at work - things have started to get past me, I am usually spot on with all things!
I had my first miscarriage when I was 16 - almost 25 years ago now. I was in the middle of my O levels and had just broken up with my first serious boyfriend -we had been going out for 6 months and I thought things would continue for ever! Same situation again really, not even realised that I was pregnant but my GP helped me through it all.
I managed to get through that just - failed most of my exams and ended up having to do retakes the following school year when also starting my A's.
Hubby and me managed to get pregnant really quickly with our son - now 11 and a half - but since he was 2 we have been actively trying to get pregnant with no success.
I suffered - and I mean suffered - 18 months of IVF with no luck and the emotional toll on both of us was beyond belief.
We don't talk about it at all - I have no idea how he feels nowadays - it is a totally taboo subject. I get so upset when I see babies, I usually have to leave the room and take a long walk until I can control my emotions.
So to realise what has happened this past week, is now a total shock to me. I need to somehow get my head around things - do I tell hubby or not? Do I try and go to counselling and maybe somehow start to come to terms with it all over again or put the brave face on it that I normally do and just go ahead?
No doubt I'll take the second option and just plod along. This time of year is a bad time for me I lost my nan and grandad in different years but ironically within a week of each other and I start to become quite introverted - this is now a third blow!
I will get there I know - I have a very good support network in my friends if I let them in!
Things will improve I just need to give it some time.