Emotions

For the past month I have felt different - not really sure why but just different!
The past 7 days I have now found out why!
To the best of my knowledge I have just had my second miscarriage. At the end of the day, I wasn't really pregnant, I was only just there - 5/6 weeks possibly?
But the physical pain I have endured these past 7 days was unbelievable. My hormones have been all over the place and and I haven't really functioned well at work - things have started to get past me, I am usually spot on with all things!
I had my first miscarriage when I was 16 - almost 25 years ago now. I was in the middle of my O levels and had just broken up with my first serious boyfriend -we had been going out for 6 months and I thought things would continue for ever! Same situation again really, not even realised that I was pregnant but my GP helped me through it all.
I managed to get through that just - failed most of my exams and ended up having to do retakes the following school year when also starting my A's.
Hubby and me managed to get pregnant really quickly with our son - now 11 and a half - but since he was 2 we have been actively trying to get pregnant with no success.
I suffered - and I mean suffered - 18 months of IVF with no luck and the emotional toll on both of us was beyond belief.
We don't talk about it at all - I have no idea how he feels nowadays - it is a totally taboo subject. I get so upset when I see babies, I usually have to leave the room and take a long walk until I can control my emotions.
So to realise what has happened this past week, is now a total shock to me. I need to somehow get my head around things - do I tell hubby or not? Do I try and go to counselling and maybe somehow start to come to terms with it all over again or put the brave face on it that I normally do and just go ahead?
No doubt I'll take the second option and just plod along. This time of year is a bad time for me I lost my nan and grandad in different years but ironically within a week of each other and I start to become quite introverted - this is now a third blow!
I will get there I know - I have a very good support network in my friends if I let them in!
Things will improve I just need to give it some time.