Alcoholics Annoymous

I met my husband 19 years ago, in a nightclub where we were both very much the worse for wear!
Maybe this should have rung a couple of alarm bells then.
At the time we met, we were both just into our twenties, I was a student nurse and my husband was a camping salesman who went out with his mates every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.
Thursday night - meet in the "Wellie", get drunk, end up in a night club, Friday night - meet up with best mate in the whole world in his local village, get drunk, sleep on the sofa at mate's mum's house, Saturday night - meet mates get drunk, somehow manage to find a way home!
I think you may be getting the picture.
When we started going out, I would see him every night of the week except for a Friday - not allowed to meet the best mate yet!
If we stayed in, we would inevitably get some wine and cider and drink it all and feel just a little hungover the next day.
I shared a four bedroomed flat in our nurses residence and two of the bedrooms were taken by student dietitians. One of their projects was to study the lifestyles of their flatmates and keep a record of what we ate and drank for a week.
They chose to study my husband - diet wasn't too bad for a lad who was 21, alcohol intake - 121 units per week - his main tipples were Pils and Diamond White - we now know that each of those are worth at least 1.5 units each and not the 1 unit we allocated them!
The Government recommended intake at that time was 21 units per week for a male - so 5 times the limit was pretty good going I thought!
We all thought it was a laugh but did nothing about it.
Fast forward to about 6 years ago. Hubby feeling a bit rough and unfit, so decided to cut out the cider he drinks - still on the strong stuff most nights of the week, with wine at the weekend. As an aside, I don't really drink all that much anymore, maybe a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend, hubby will finish the bottle off both nights.
Cider stops, and 2 years later, states that he feels much better!
Then comes a very difficult time in his life - made redundant, and unable to find a job for 6 months. Things were very fraught and money was tight - he was able to claim jobs seekers allowance but was in the process of setting up a business and so all of his money went to that - apart from the money he started spending on the cider again.
I raised my concerns but he just brushed it aside as I'm stressed, I'm allowed at least one thing aren't I? At this point he would wait until I disappeared upstairs for a bath before drinking so that I wouldn't know that he had had a drink! This just shows how bad things were at the time.
Managed to find a job about 12 months ago now and although it is nothing like what he wants to do, it covers the majority of his share of the bills and we just about get by.
Hubby has a few friends that he has kept in contact from school with, they meet up every now and then, usually on birthdays, stag do's etc and all get very drunk. Even went to Magaluf about 3 years ago - I was worried as he tends to get lost quite easily and starts looking for the London Road - wherever he is - city or country! - and then walks up it to get back tour village!
Came back from there pretty much unscathed - wearing the same clothes he went out in 3 days before, sunburnt soles of the feet - fell asleep on the poolside! -wearing another chaps boxers - slept in the chaps room on the last night as he couldn't get into his room and woke with only 30 mins to spare before they left to come home - few drunken stories you know the rest!
This time last year, the eldest of the group celebrated his 40th birthday. House party about 40 minutes drive away - I'm never invited allegedly - so drove over, would catch a taxi home and then I would take him back over the following day. Went to bed, and woke around 5.30am as he stumbles in through the door. Leave him to it.
When he finally wakes up and I ask if he had a good time because of the time he comes home, I find out that he actually caught a taxi to someone else's house so that his taxi wouldn't cost too much! The local taxi firm at the new location wanted to charge him £25 to come out our way. Hubby being a bit of a spendthrift, thought I'll walk into town and find a taxi there.
Got to town, started walking up the London Road (!) looking for a taxi, none would pick him up because of the way he was swaying up the road! He passed the last village he would likely find a taxi to find that the taxi office was shut -it was about 3 am by this time, so he thought I'll just walk on to home. A new bypass has been put in which does cut the distance home by about 30 minutes when you are walking, however there is no pavement! He even slipped down an embankment at one point and because he had his "best" shoes on - they are smooth on the sole - he really struggled to get up the embankment! You get my drift?
He then spends the rest of the day feeling very rough!
In September this year, I had a long discussion with him about how much alcohol he was drinking again -he decided not to drink for a month - it was a very long month, headaches all the time, very grumpy, just not a happy atmosphere in our house - detoxing is never fun, I have seen it lots of time through work. Felt much better for it, and has stopped drinking in the week again with just one bottle at the weekend. So much better.
Friday night was this friend's 41st birthday! Repeat?
House party, this time I drop him off, we're not going out and about so the money I would spend in the pub I will get a taxi home. As I dropped him off, ring if you are not coming home just so I know you're not stuck down the embankment!
OK he replies.
6 am - I wake -bed empty, sofa empty, no husband!
Managed to wait until 8.30 before I sent the text that I would pick him up if he wanted me too.
OK comes the reply at 10 am.
Return to collect him -and get dragged into the house by the host - I have never met these people - hubby's choice - come in, have a coffee - I don't drink hot drinks but thanks anyway - I'm introduced to all of the friends I should have met over the past 19 years, and get asked why I didn't come along last night! I look at hubby and just say, no babysitter - the truth? I was never invited!
You must come next year and stop over. OK
Get hubby home around 11.30 am - provide water and red bull in the car along with the comment just a phone call at anytime would have been good so that I don't worry what has happened to you! Didn't decide to stay until 5.30 am comes the reply!
He collapses on the sofa and basically doesn't get up until 5.30 pm!
The state he was in was just undescribable. I don't know what to do now?
He doesn't agree that he has a problem - am I being too judgemental?
Should I just take the bull by the horns and tackle him about it?
I'm struggling to cope with him when he is like this and I know he verges on the edge of depression but won't accept that either!
I'll just wait until we get to the next time and then go through all of this angst again I suppose!